Little Bill

We can live beside the ocean,
Leave the fire behind,
Swim out past the breakers,
Watch the world die.

—Everclear

I can’t get this song out of my head. It got so bad that I went to YouTube, loaded the video up, and every time the song ends, I hit replay. Then I hit stop, grabbed my neglected guitar, sung it a few times until my fingertips went raw, and then hit replay on YouTube again. I don’t know what it is about this song but the chorus, which hits me from time to time out of left field, leaves me with a sense of longing.

What it is I’m longing for I don’t know. It’s certainly not material possessions, I’ve got enough of those.

Replay.

Is it love? Is it a sense of purpose in life that often seems fleeting, as if trying to grasp a fistful of water? Is it simply a computer chair that doesn’t leave my ass completely numb after twenty minutes of sitting in it? Maybe my stir-craziness is simply that.

I don’t know… but it’s gnawing at me. And so is this chorus. Replay.

- – -

In other news, I’ve been thinking about my tattoo more lately. I’ve nailed down the design, which you can see here.

Replay. (Yes, I’m typing these when I replay the song)

I’ve been calling around to some of the better tattoo shops in the city, as reviewed by others. One of the top tattoo artists I e-consulted with said it’s too difficult for him. Another one wants $300/hr at 15-18 hours. Um, no. Just because you tattoo celebrities doesn’t make their rates my rates. Other ones that I’d like to do the tattoo are booked into 2010. No kidding.

The tattoo features two visual elements. The first are the eight trigrams of the I-Ching, each one representing points on a compass, or the element pairs Heaven/Earth, Mountain/Lake, Fire/Water, Wind/Thunder. Four trigrams will go down one forearm, their corresponding opposites on the other. This is to represent to me balance. It’s a visual reminder, etched in blood, for me to strike a balance between play and work, between spending and saving, between being withdrawn and being gregarious.

The other element is The Great Wave off Kanagawa, a print by Japanese printmaster Hokusai. It’s one of my favorite pieces of artwork um, ever.

The thing is, for a tattoo that’s supposed to remind me to strike a balance (I am a Libra, after all) this is awfully expensive. That kind of goes against the whole save money/spend money thing. And believe me, I’m a champ at spending money.

So I’m left here thinking…

I don’t know what I’m thinking.

I do know that I’ve stopped hitting repeat. though.