25 September 2008

A DAY OF QUIET

Despite being home today — instead of at the office — and having a mountain of work looming, there was a sense of calm tranquility. Curtains were drawn for kitties to bathe in sunlight and, out my window, Bedford Avenue fell into step with the pace of my day. The light was rich but the air was crisp and it all came together to feel more like a late afternoon in spring, rather than the dawn of fall.

Productivity was at a high level, which could be attributed to being home — despite not feeling well — or maybe it’s simply that things needed to get done.

And they did.

Two top tattoo artists rejected the design, calling it too intricate for such a small area. It’s unfortunate but it does make sense, so it’s back to the drawing board… kind of. The I-Ching will remain. But what will go inside? That’s the new challenge. And being told one cannot do something often times provides opportunities to approach from another perspective. And perhaps something even more beautiful will come from it.

It was a good day.

19 September 2008

SLEEPWALK DANCE

We can live beside the ocean,
Leave the fire behind,
Swim out past the breakers,
Watch the world die.

Everclear

I can’t get this song out of my head. It got so bad that I went to YouTube, loaded the video up, and every time the song ends, I hit replay. Then I hit stop, grabbed my neglected guitar, sung it a few times until my fingertips went raw, and then hit replay on YouTube again. I don’t know what it is about this song but the chorus, which hits me from time to time out of left field, leaves me with a sense of longing.

What it is I’m longing for I don’t know. It’s certainly not material possessions, I’ve got enough of those.

Replay.

Is it love? Is it a sense of purpose in life that often seems fleeting, as if trying to grasp a fistful of water? Is it simply a computer chair that doesn’t leave my ass completely numb after twenty minutes of sitting in it? Maybe my stir-craziness is simply that.

I don’t know… but it’s gnawing at me. And so is this chorus. Replay.

- - -

In other news, I’ve been thinking about my tattoo more lately. I’ve nailed down the design, which you can see here.

Replay. (Yes, I’m typing these when I replay the song)

I’ve been calling around to some of the better tattoo shops in the city, as reviewed by others. One of the top tattoo artists I e-consulted with said it’s too difficult for him. Another one wants $300/hr at 15-18 hours. Um, no. Just because you tattoo celebrities doesn’t make their rates my rates. Other ones that I’d like to do the tattoo are booked into 2010. No kidding.

The tattoo features two visual elements. The first are the eight trigrams of the I-Ching, each one representing points on a compass, or the element pairs Heaven/Earth, Mountain/Lake, Fire/Water, Wind/Thunder. Four trigrams will go down one forearm, their corresponding opposites on the other. This is to represent to me balance. It’s a visual reminder, etched in blood, for me to strike a balance between play and work, between spending and saving, between being withdrawn and being gregarious.

The other element is The Great Wave off Kanagawa, a print by Japanese printmaster Hokusai. It’s one of my favorite pieces of artwork um, ever.

The thing is, for a tattoo that’s supposed to remind me to strike a balance (I am a Libra, after all) this is awfully expensive. That kind of goes against the whole save money/spend money thing. And believe me, I’m a champ at spending money.

So I’m left here thinking…

I don’t know what I’m thinking.

I do know that I’ve stopped hitting repeat. though.

15 September 2008

ISN’T HE MUSLIM?

This weekend, I was talking to an online friend from Florida who’s not very involved in politics and I found myself dismayed at how much of the misinformation and outright lies are circulating about Barack Obama. My friend D says she’s undecided between McCain and Obama, which is her right to be.

“I don’t know,” she said, “I just don’t think that it’s a good idea to put a Muslim in the Oval Office.”

I was aghast. “What makes you think he’s Muslim?”

“Well that’s what I heard…” she replied.

“Did you do any research to find out?” I asked.

“No, but isn’t his middle name Hussein?”

“Well, yes. But how does someone’s name make them a Muslim? Also, what’s wrong with a Muslim?”

“Well, aren’t they all anti-American and everything?”

This is where I had to stop her. First off, I told her, just because his middle name is Hussein doesn’t make him a Muslim. That his father was African, and had a son with an African name — but left him with his American Mother to raise him in Kansas and Hawaii — doesn’t make him a Muslim. Also, the name Hussein in Africa and Arabic nations is probably about as common as Smith is here.

Secondly, I explained to her, just because someone’s Muslim doesn’t make him or her anti-American.

“But aren’t the Muslims the ones who attacked the Trade Center and are terrorists?”

“Well, yes. They were Muslims. But they’re Muslim Extremists. They’re to Muslim what the Klu-Klux Klan are to Christians.”

“What?”

“Do you consider the KKK to be good Christians?”

“No…”

“Think of these guys to be about the same. They have taken and twisted the religion, which also teaches tolerance and peace, and twists it on its head.”

“Really?”

Again. Dismay. Here is a 24 year old undecided living in Florida, a swing state, receiving all this misinformation. I implored her to please please do some research on the candidates before November.

“But they’re all going to tell us what we want to hear.”

True. But facts and track records can be researched. Let their actions speak louder than their words. At least she’s in agreement that Palin’s inexperience made for a bad choice for McCain.

That said, I’m trying to figure out if there’s ANY way we can spread the truth about the candidates in the midst of this horribly horribly frustrating campaign. You know when Karl Rove, of all people, consider the McCain campaign to be going “one step too far” that’s a sign of how rotten this has become.

So how do we counter the misinformation that’s being spread in places that aren’t friendly to Democrats?

12 September 2008

MY UNCONQUERABLE SOUL

INVICTUS,
by William Ernest Henley (1849-1903)

Out of the night that covers me,
   Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
   For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
   I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
   My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
   Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
   Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
   How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
   I am the captain of my soul.

Thanks to Dan for sharing this one with me.

12 September 2008

THE CURRENCY OF SELF

It’s a cycle. And I go through it about once a year.

First I’m into seclusion. You know, for self-repair. Then it’s back out into the world for the very same reasons. The last few months of relative seclusion charged a toll. The price? My Self. Where is all the currency coming from? Where does it go?

Though I take little real stock in astrology, my sign is Libra. One could interpret that to mean that it means I strike a balance in things. This could be farther from the truth for me, where it’s either one extreme or another. Either I’m a hermit, or I’m gregarious. Where’s the balance there? Perhaps that’s what I should seek, perhaps it is the place from which I will rediscover the currency of Self.

i-ching For the last two years I’ve pondered getting another tattoo. On my forearms I wanted to get some of the Trigrams of the I-Ching. The eight trigrams represent directions on a compass, as well as the element pairs Heaven/Earth, Mountain/Lake, Fire/Water, and Thunder/Wind. Down each forearm would go four trigrams, with its corresponding opposite on the other arm.

I could literally etch into my body a reminder to strike balance. To find a balance between work and play, between society and withdrawal, and maybe even between the material and spiritual.

And maybe then I will have an abundance of currency to bank on and to invest wisely back into my Self.

2 September 2008

FOOD JUNK

little bill: help.
little bill: talk me out of it, Ed.
little bill: I have an overriding need for Doritos
little bill: STAT.
steel valor: DON’T DO IT!
steel valor: ewww
steel valor: wtf
steel valor: omg
steel valor: get drunk, then you can’t drive!
little bill: dude.
little bill: I live in NYC
little bill: I have all of a 20-foot walk for Doritos
steel valor: GET REALLY DRUNK!