Little Bill

So I’m kind of in a reinvention phase lately, following through on the promise I made myself when I turned thirty last October. I won’t deny that part of it has kept me a bit isolated from my somewhat scattered social circles, nor will I deny that I have — from time to time — found myself a little bit lonesome for someone to hang out with. But I’m not a complete hermit, and do get to see some friends from time to time.

Things are moving forward, though. I’m back in the gym and making strides towards getting back into shape and eating better. Also I’ve been dating less. Disappointment after disappointment on that front has left me to step back and go through another phase of self-analysis but reminded me that I don’t need a partner in my life to be complete.

And that’s really the crux of the whole deal: re-learning to like myself, and taking steps to correct those aspects that I find lacking. I’m making changes, but only for myself… and hopefully, down the road I’ll be ready when the right person comes along — physically, mentally and emotionally.

Again, sorry I’ve been quiet. I just haven’t had much to share lately… but I’m still alive and very much ticking!

Walked out this morning, don’t believe what I saw
Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore
Seems I’m not alone at being alone
Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home
I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle.

— The Police

Things have been incredibly quiet lately, mostly since the move to my new apartment. My rent has doubled and, despite my being able to afford it, there’s definitely a new strain coming up with a new budget around which to live. Aside from that I’m definitely settled into the new apartment, but getting used to how quiet it can be living at home. Don’t get me wrong, living with my last roommate proved to be a little taste of hell but was still another face to see (or glare at.)

Aside from that some friendships have, as of late, waned. I’m finding myself secluding myself socially and focusing on myself. I’m no longer allowing other people to define my happiness or allowing them any control over my emotional well-being — whether they had any active knowledge in doing so or not. This has resulted in me being far less tolerant of bullshit.

Lastly I’m working on my own diet. I’m not on a diet per se, but I’m modifying my eating habits. I’ve cut Diet Coke out of my diet in favor of seltzer water. That one took some adjusting, as I used to think of seltzer as stale bubbly water. Now I not only enjoy it, but find it more refreshing than any soft drink — with the exception of guzzling Gatorade after a particularly grueling eleven-mile hike in ninety degree weather not having packed enough water. Not only that but I’ve cut out as many sugars as I can from my diet, have been eating healthier and cutting down portions.

That and I’ve been going to the gym semi-regularly. Well, regularly but not regularly enough. I’m working on that though.

Self-improvement is hard, but I’m sure I’ll be better for it in the end.