24 January 2008
AGENTS OF CHANGE
One of my favorite words is catalyst. I remember being first introduced to it in chemistry class in high school. The teacher taught us that a catalyst is a substance that accelerates a chemical reaction. She went on to explain to us that the catalyst does this while not undergoing any chemical change. At least not a permanent one. Then she went on to explain how that word has been used figuratively in language, as an "agent of change."
Ahh, chemistry. Another word prepurposed for the abstract.
Since when did chemistry become so difficult? Interpersonal chemistry, much unlike scientific chemistry, isn’t as simple as following the steps. When it comes to people there are more factors in which to deal.
Feelings. Emotions are crazy. They sometimes confuse us, or delude us, or confirm that which our heart tells us. This person makes me laugh a whole lot, therefore I’m happy. This person feels like home, I’m comfortable. This person makes me apprehensive and I want to escape.
Rationality. Sometimes we can think a situation to death. Other times we can rush in without planning for the road ahead. I’m happy, therefore I want to be with them. I just got out of a relationship, I can’t just rush back into one, no matter how good I feel. I can’t trust myself.
Intuition. Our gut instinct. Perhaps it’s a sixth sense. Knee-jerk reactions. This person’s just looking for a free ride to New York City. Is she just interested in headshots and a free dinner? I’m inexplicably drawn to this person and cannot explain why I want nothing more than to be around them. I feel smothered! Flee!
I think I’ve long given up the concept of the soul mate. I don’t believe there’s a single person out there who, more than anyone else in the entire world, is meant only for me. I think sometimes the best solution is to find someone with whom you are just most compatible with and build a future; for better or worse, as they’d say. It’d be nice to find someone who manages to bring about a healthy balance between those agents of change. Wow, I really am a Libra, aren’t I?
This is one of the benefits of a small-town life like the kind I’ve left behind. Eventually you run out of choices and have to choose. Or move. Or hope someone moves in. How do you do that in a place like New York? At any point there might be a better match coming around the corner. Literally! At what point do we just think, "Enough! I choose YOU!" and move on to another stage in life?
I’m ready for that next stage in life.
I think that if you think in the terms of OMG ONLY ONE that you’ll weed out those who may be compatible. And compatible over time. Think about it: the person you wanted when you were 18 is probably somewhat different than the person you want when you’re 30.
I don’t think you have to lower your standards, but I think there’s a realism that you have to face. It’s not only about chemistry and attraction now, but thinking abou can you sustain it through the future? Is this someone who can roll with the punches or who will freak out the second one-little-thing changes? (And you want the former and not the latter, ’cause life CONSTANTLY is throwing you a curve ball!)
24 January 2008: 12:52 am
@slackmistress,
Interestingly, this isn’t necessarily a commentary on myself, for once. Which is not to say that it can’t be applied to me. However, you’re absolutely right. The thing is, I think in the last twelve months I’ve learned the very lesson that “OMG ONLY ONE” isn’t all there is to finding the right person.
I think the point I’m trying to make (and probably failing at) making is that it’s not just chemistry. That there are other considerations to take into account besides “instant connection” and that I need to be more aware of such things.
I think everyone does, actually.
24 January 2008: 12:57 am
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