Little Bill

So I took a break from screenwriting today (that’s right, you read correctly) and plopped down on the couch to turn off my brain for a few mins. I flipped through the channel guide and saw that The Empire Strikes Back was on. So, I changed the channel, started shuffling about on the couch, kicked off my slippers and pulled the blanket over me when I was startled to hear…

                    DARTH VADER
               No. YO SOY tu padré!

…and laughed my ass off. Turned out I’d changed the channel to HBO Spanish. Hi-larious. High point of the day.

There’s something amazing about the water. If I’m feeling a little off-kilter it always brings me back to center, to my equilibrium. Today I found my center on the beach at Atlantic City.

My best friend Mike and I head over to check it out. Neither of us are horribly crazy gamblers — though I never mind a few hours at the poker tables from time to time — but we just wanted to see what all the fuss is about. I knew that if I wasn’t going to enjoy the kitch of the casinos, which I figured I would after my reaction to Las Vegas, I could find some enjoyment with my camera, the boardwalk, and the beach.

And that’s exactly what I did. I listened to the seagulls. I kept calling them pigeons and Mike kept correcting me. I know they’re not pigeons but I just couldn’t stop getting that word out of my head. I listened to the water crash against the rocks, and wash up the shore. And I met some cool kids.

There’s something rejuvenating about the beach in winter. One day I’ll have to live on the ocean. I can wake up with a cup of coffee or tea (or cocoa!) and listen to the waves, or feel the wind blow the reeds on the dunes and listen to the pigeon-seagulls fly overhead.

And I will never be far from center again.

One of my favorite words is catalyst. I remember being first introduced to it in chemistry class in high school. The teacher taught us that a catalyst is a substance that accelerates a chemical reaction. She went on to explain to us that the catalyst does this while not undergoing any chemical change. At least not a permanent one. Then she went on to explain how that word has been used figuratively in language, as an "agent of change."

Ahh, chemistry. Another word prepurposed for the abstract.

Since when did chemistry become so difficult? Interpersonal chemistry, much unlike scientific chemistry, isn’t as simple as following the steps. When it comes to people there are more factors in which to deal.

Feelings. Emotions are crazy. They sometimes confuse us, or delude us, or confirm that which our heart tells us. This person makes me laugh a whole lot, therefore I’m happy. This person feels like home, I’m comfortable. This person makes me apprehensive and I want to escape.

Rationality. Sometimes we can think a situation to death. Other times we can rush in without planning for the road ahead. I’m happy, therefore I want to be with them. I just got out of a relationship, I can’t just rush back into one, no matter how good I feel. I can’t trust myself.

Intuition. Our gut instinct. Perhaps it’s a sixth sense. Knee-jerk reactions. This person’s just looking for a free ride to New York City. Is she just interested in headshots and a free dinner? I’m inexplicably drawn to this person and cannot explain why I want nothing more than to be around them. I feel smothered! Flee!

I think I’ve long given up the concept of the soul mate. I don’t believe there’s a single person out there who, more than anyone else in the entire world, is meant only for me. I think sometimes the best solution is to find someone with whom you are just most compatible with and build a future; for better or worse, as they’d say. It’d be nice to find someone who manages to bring about a healthy balance between those agents of change. Wow, I really am a Libra, aren’t I?

This is one of the benefits of a small-town life like the kind I’ve left behind. Eventually you run out of choices and have to choose. Or move. Or hope someone moves in. How do you do that in a place like New York? At any point there might be a better match coming around the corner. Literally! At what point do we just think, "Enough! I choose YOU!" and move on to another stage in life?

I’m ready for that next stage in life.

I haven’t written in quite a while. I suppose I haven’t had much to share. No, strike that. I haven’t had much I’ve wanted to share. There are some things that I just don’t write about here. But that’s not the biggest reason for the lack of updates.

I’ve been unable to sleep lately.

My sleep schedule got royally messed up around Christmas, when I was visiting the hometown. Days turned to nights and mornings became items at the end of the day, not the beginning. I was waking around noon (or later) and getting to sleep around four in the morning. The week of New Year was no different.

Getting back to a normal schedule proved impossible with the onset of a very sporadic bronchitis,which I seem to get once a year. So, these last few weeks have found me floundering between being awake and being asleep.

Anyway, I think I’ve finished being sick (or I’m pretty close to it) and my sleep schedule seems to have fallen back on track. Hopefully my life will fall back on track soon too.

Gas station neon sign, orange and white
Winks an eye and it whispers, "Goodnight."
Drunk on the train to Chicago, I feel all right

Half-pint of Dewar’s White Label still half-full
The train lurches left, lurches right
Drunk on the train to Chicago, I feel all right

     I left a New York
     Of gas bills and cigarette burns
     Wasted days of whiskey
     And "As the World Turns"

Train driver, hit the gas, shovel coal, move your ass
We’ve got a schedule to keep
Drunk on the train to Chicago, I fall asleep

     And in my dreams, we’re careening drunk
     Down the streets of my hometown
     The man in the moon is on benzedrine
     Merrily spinning around

Bells ring and lights flicker
Old girlfriends, good liquor
Hold my hand all through the night
Drunk on the train to Chicago,
I feel all right
I feel all right

— Drink Me, Train to Chicago

kelly: what’s up with the phone interview thing???
kelly: this is the second place that’s wanted to do it that way
little bill: i have no idea
kelly: the last phone interview I did, they made me do a freakin’ ROLE PLAY
kelly: over the PHONE
little bill: WOAH
little bill: did you cast magic missile?
kelly: LOL not that kind of role play!
little bill: did you roll 1D20 to see if you got the job?

- - -

little bill: hey, do you mind if i blog snippets of that role play blog chat?
kelly: sure
kelly: go back and read that sentence you just wrote. it’s like, the ultimate!

Continue Reading…

So, this morning I had the exquisite pleasure of waking up to my upstairs neighbor (and landlord’s) three year old daughter seemingly tone-deaf bellowing Jingle Bells. Thanks to that, I had the song stuck in my head all morning.

I do not like Jingle Bells, and I’ll tell you why. When I was in grade school, being part of the school chorus was mandatory up to a certain grade. During one of the years — I honestly couldn’t tell you if it was second grade or fifth — we, along with the school’s orchestra, had to perform a Christmas concert for our families.

One of the songs featured was a montage of Christmas Carols. The twist on it was that the concert’s theme was — Christmas Around the World — or something along those lines. Well, as we went from Feliz Navidad to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in Spanish, we go to Jingle Bells. In faux-Chinese:

Ching-oo pow, Jingle Bells
Ching-oo pow, Jingle Bells
Moogoo gai pan. Jingle all the way
Oh sop gum fun, Oh what fun
Shrimp flie lice, It is to ride
Almond coookieeeeee… Um. Yeah.

Sixty pre-teens singing this. In unison. And then the song went on to other Christmas songs in real languages. Properly translated. Now the strange thing is, I didn’t even remember any of that until this very moment. I actually remembered the "verses."

Now, I’m not really angry at what happened. This was the early eighties. It was two decades from now. But what it has done is revealed to me just how much the world has changed. That performance would never fly in this day and age. Lawsuits would be filed. Democrats would be offended. Republicans would be shouting, “what?! What’s wrong with that?!” (I kid, my few Republican friends…)

It just reminds me that it might be a snail’s pace but progress is moving forward. Though there’s still a part of me that wishes, back then, I could’ve actually raised my voice and said something. Because if it bothers me now, I’m sure it bothered me then… on some level. But what’s an eight year old to do?

It’s another year, and perhaps more awareness acceptance will come to our people. In an election year with a woman and a black man running for president, maybe these issues will be raised. Or maybe they (the sex/race issue) will be disregarded. But you have to admit this, the thought’s crossed your mind. Food for thought, eh?