Little Bill

“Best way to avoid punch, no be there.” — Mr. Miyagi, The Karate Kid

I see a punch coming on.

I’ve lived in New York for over three years now and am finding myself falling into the same kind of creative rut that I’d encountered back in the hometown. Creative frustration. Each time I find a way to get out of it but mostly it was an escape, not a solution.

Perhaps you can see something I’m not and feel free to offer up a solution. I’d love that.

The problem is this: I work as a web designer. I derive much creative satisfaction from photography. But under all of that, I want to make films. I keep coming up with premises for films, but end up discarding most of them, or shelving them in the back of my brain. I do it mostly because I feel that I should hold myself up to some kind of standard, in terms of theme and plot. I could write a goofy comedy, or some love story, or something along those lines but they’re not the kind of films I’d like to make. Also, I don’t want to spend my time (and other people’s valuable time) making something no one will ever watch, that won’t be submitted to YouTube even, let alone any festivals.

“What kind of movies do you make?” I get that a lot. The answer is: NONE. But if I had to answer it’d be to make a movie that’s dark, fucked up, or twisted in some way. Think Palahniuk novels before he became so fucking formulaic (I loved Rant, though.) Think Warren Ellis comics. Think David Fincher movies. Think Hitchcock. Sardonic, quirky, witty.

My problem? My brain’s not churning out those ideas. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m not a writer. I have no problem admitting that, but I think I can write, it’s just that the ideas don’t pour out of me like some others I know.

Are there writing exercises I can do to get the creative juices flowing? Should I suck it up and start making ANY kind of film, so that when I’m ready with a good idea my filmmaking chops will be up to par and I won’t make something that sucks? I’m not ready to give up on this.

Lastly, I might bitch and moan about this and I might not be making films but I am a busy guy. But I won’t let my business be an excuse not to pursue this. That’s lame.

Feedback. Give it.

I suppose I’ve been flying a little bit under the radar lately. I haven’t had too much to share — certainly not anything very poignant to share. I suppose I’ll just give a nice little list of what I’ve been up to these days, in no particular order:

• Photographed two weddings, it was exhausting but amazing
• Met the Slackmistress and her lovely husband BeTheBoy when they came into tow. It was great to meet new friends who feel like old friends.
• While there, I spent a little time with my good friends Helen and Meredith (mental note: add Meredith to blogroll.) Always a pleasure with those two!
• Spent some time at home with my mother. I love my mother.
• Spent some time with Agent Mayhem too. It’s been a while, but was totally charming.
• Worked a lot. Enjoyed it, too. A change!

That’s… about it. I don’t know. It’s been eventful but not eventful, if that makes any sense.

Little Bill: ugh.
Kitty: wassup?
Little Bill: photographing a wedding today.
Kitty: awesome
Kitty: for the monies?
Little Bill: only a little bit. it’s for friends of a friend.
Kitty: oh… well that’s cool though
Kitty: you ARE an awesome p-hot-ographer
Little Bill: haha!

Do you remember the games you made up as a child? The kind that only made sense to you and your friends? I was reminded of one this weekend, while visiting my mother over Labor Day weekend.

I was walking down the street along the route from my grade school to my parents’ home. As I was stepping along the sidewalk I found myself deliberately stepping around certain sidewalk squares with an imprint of the manufacturer upon them. It was then that I realized what I was doing:

I was playing a childhood game.

I laughed so hard when it came back to me. The rules are as follows: a sidewalk has so many sections on it. Each one is a square of concrete. Occasionally you’d come upon one with a circle imprint. If you weren’t paying attention and stepped on one, you had to run and touch a tree before your friend tagged you. If you both step on it, the first one to the tree is in the clear. It was a simple game and there really isn’t any point to it, except to make the walk to and from school interesting.

What I found amusing was that here I was, two decades later, habitually playing the game. It had become so ingrained into who I am that it was an unconscious effort. I couldn’t help but walk around them. And I liked that I did.