9 July 2007
SO I DATED AN AXE-MURDERER
A note of advice to people out there who are, like me, in dating land: Don’t make jokes that you yourself cannot take.
Please, let me explain.
Yesterday evening I had a second date with woman named . . . let’s call her Chastity. Chastity is a 34 year old dotcom exec. Redhead. Attractive. Totally my type, despite her age. (I’m 29.) The plan was to meet up in Manhattan for a drink, take the subway into Brooklyn for dinner, and then stroll around Coney Island after dark. And the plan was going well until . . .
Well, let me start at the beginning. Chastity and I met up in SoHo for a drink at this little college-like bar. It was her suggestion. There we talked a little bit about our jobs (again) and discussed the night’s plans. I mentioned that I had driven my car down to the neighborhood where we would be having dinner, and then took the subway into Manhattan to meet up with her for drinks. The idea was that we would drive in my car down to Coney Island, Brooklyn after dinner, to which she said, “I was wondering how we’d get to Coney Island.”
So let me establish that. She’s knows we’re driving to Coney Island.
Then there’s dinner. A simple nice dinner, and we shared dessert. Probably the best banana split I’ve ever had, she agreed. Good conversation, laughs, smiles, the whole bit. After dinner (I paid the check, incidentally) we walked up the street to my car.
There in my car we get in and I joke, “I’m surprised you’re getting into a car with a near-complete stranger!”
“Well, I figure tonight’s a good night to be axe-murdered.” or something to that effect. It was certainly said in a playful manner.
Which leads me back into the banter, “No, no axe-murdering today. That’s a third date kind of event.”
And we’re off in the car down the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway to Coney Island. A few moments later, some conversation leads me back to a third axe-murder joke. Again, totally in jest.
And here’s where the direction of the evening shifted.
“Okay. Now I’m just a little bit uncomfortable.” Chastity then reaches into her purse and pulls out her cell phone. She calls her friend Julie. “Hi Julie, it’s Chastity. (pause.) Yeah, I’m on my date right now. I just got in his car. (pause.) I know, I know. (pause.) Hey, listen. He just said something and now I’m a little bit uncomfortable. Would you mind calling me in an hour or so just to make sure I’m all right? (pause.) Yeah. (pause.) Thanks a lot.” CLICK. She snaps her cellphone shut.
All through this phone call, I’m looking for an exit off the highway. I really couldn’t believe that she was making this call right next to me. The thought was to get off the highway and find the first subway station and tell her to get the hell out of my car. The date was over.
Instead, I regrouped and pulled it together. I can roll with the punches, right? Or is slap-in-the-face more appropriate a metaphor? I can turn the other cheek, then. I played the high-ground and continued our date.
We head to Coney Island and the rest of the night was uneventful if a bit strained. She even went so far as to call Julie again to say she was fine — and then spend a few minutes on the phone with her. “I have to talk to her a little bit otherwise . . . ” she goes. Yeahyeah suresure.
We’re walking up and down the beach. In other situations it’d be nice. Romantic, even. Nope. We’re nearly an arm’s length away from each other, there’s no sense of connection and she even goes so far as to make yet another axe-murder joke!
“Okay, enough.” is all I said. Calmly, lightly. We get back into the car, I take her to the subway. She kisses me on the cheek goodnight. I drive home fuming. If it wasn’t for Agent Mayhem suddenly calling my phone a few blocks after I’d dropped her off — and, in doing so, totally diffusing my mood — I don’t know what would’ve happened.
I wrote her a nice, lengthy email this morning explaining to her what bothered me, how the mood shifted and whatnot. Then, I deleted it and just said that I didn’t think the chemistry was there and that I wished her the best on her pursuit.
Her response? “I totally understand. Good luck!”
Grump. Grump. Grump.
There are a lot of headcases out there. It seems that calling her girlfriend after panicking about a simple joke probably wasn’t the worst thing that she could have come up with. I’m surprised you even finished out the date, all things considered…
9 July 2007: 1:08 am
What could possibly have been worse?
9 July 2007: 1:11 am
She could have had the NYPD on the line instead of her go-to emergency friend.
9 July 2007: 1:12 am
Here’s the thing. Even if she had legitimate reason to be concerned for her safety — and I’ll even go so far as to say kudos to her for being safe — there are more tactful ways of going about it. Moreover, if you’re actually concerned that you’re going to be axe-murdered, you don’t clue your would-be axe-murderer in on the fact that you’re afraid!
Ugh, I couldn’t hurt a fly. No, really. I catch them and open a window and let them loose.
9 July 2007: 1:15 am
(I wash my hands after I catch the flies, by the way.)
9 July 2007: 1:15 am
That’s good to know. So if you were an axe murderer, you’d definitely wash your hands after, yes?
9 July 2007: 1:17 am
Yes.
9 July 2007: 1:18 am
This is really an instance where things could have all been alright if she had just TEXT MESSAGED her friend instead. Although, it’s probably better for you that you heard so that you didn’t continue dating her.
9 July 2007: 10:58 am
Emily, the thing is… if she were the type of woman who had enough tact to text message her friend instead of call, she would’ve been more along the lines of the kind of girl I’d like to date.
9 July 2007: 5:01 pm
What the heck!!!
That was SO OBVIOUSLY a joke that was a continuation of HER joke. I can’t believe she would have that conversation right in front of you like that!! The only thing I’ve ever done to get out of a date was to text message a friend while my Bad Date was in the bathroom, telling the friend to call me in 10 minutes with a fake emergency I had to go home for. I think that’s a bit more polite, no? I really can’t believe you continued the date after that. Oh well. Live and learn I suppose!
10 July 2007: 11:20 am
thanks! in korean the perfect phrase in this situation would be - “ssem tong.” you can ask your mom about that. xP
11 July 2007: 1:07 pm
you were too easy on her! she needs to know that she’s a douchebag.
13 July 2007: 6:09 pm
‘If it wasn’t for Agent Mayhem suddenly calling my phone a few blocks after I’d dropped her off — and, in doing so, totally diffusing my mood — I don’t know what would’ve happened.’
Like maybe you would have axe-murdered the next person you saw? Hahahahahaha, she’s a head-case. You should have made her drive.
13 July 2007: 6:30 pm
you lie, you squashed my father
13 July 2007: 9:04 pm
You know, if she had made that call as a joke, it would have been one of the best jests of the year. Instead, you should let her know to lay off the American Psycho. Obviously the iBankers are doing a number on her head, with their Valentino suits, their Oliver Peoples glasses, and their need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale.
What a freakshow.
14 July 2007: 10:34 pm
What the hell?
18 July 2007: 10:51 am
How bizarre… and yet, William, kinda flattering, no? I mean… she was alarmed enough to let you know that a friend would be calling in an hour to make sure you hadn’t HACKED HER TO PIECES… yet she was intrigued enough to continue the date, despite the concern…? Seriously? Dayamn. You are one charming sonnovabitch to make a woman openly risk death to walk on the boardwalk with you! :D
22 July 2007: 12:45 pm
Ahh KaeKae… how I’ve missed you. It’s amazing that I’ve been here three years now, back when we both thought the right mindset was to make New York my bitch. How wrong I was — to be afraid of this place; to think I must conquer it. Nah. New York’s not my bitch. She’s my best friend.
Good to hear from you though! It’s been at least a year!
22 July 2007: 3:52 pm
Good lord… what the heck happened to the time? Seriously? Send me an email off your blog (kaeri.carroll@gmail.com) and we’ll talk. I am SO not putting my cell phone number on here… hehe. :)
27 July 2007: 6:29 pm
I agree. She thought you MIGHT hack her up, yet she stayed on the date? That’s flattery right there. What a nutcase though…
5 August 2007: 3:30 pm
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